Systemic Frustrations

I've struggled with the prospect of having no assignment, of not being tasked to really WORK every day, of NOT being expected to be the greatest and do the best.  I love reading, I'm starting to enjoy working in my garden, I'm getting better at talenoa (lit. "storytelling", often trans. "yarning", in short- chatting) with people in my community and I'm trying to just relax.  I'm told that's the Fijian way.

This last week, however, I've started networking with the various ministry authorities located in my city.  I still haven't mentioned what the projects are that are rolling around in my head and that is because I am waiting for the projects to come together a little more.  These ideas are to come shortly.  But what they have meant for me is the chance to really be involved, to be busy and to feel like I'm really being challenged.  After all, isn't this program meant to challenge me?  Perhaps this is just resonance from City Year, where I had ten different responsibilities piled on top of one another and deadlines for each to keep me in motion all the time.  I'm an adrenaline junky and I need deadlines!

The real issue of it is that this program accepts only highly motivated, highly accomplished applicants.  Of the people who convince themselves they are ready and able to live, by themselves, in a remote location in a developing country, who then make it through the 20 page application, the multiple rounds of interviews and the very thorough medical examination, only one in four are admitted.  To be here, you must be persistent, determined and, frankly, stubborn.  You are generally a person who meets deadlines, who tries hard and who makes a good impression as you do such.  So for the directors to expect us to come here and sit on our hands for the greater part of 2 years is ludicrous!

My sentiments exactly

Up until recently, I had some challenging feelings about my assignment.  Without going into much detail, I felt like I wasn't truly needed at my site and I was concerned that I wouldn't really be useful here.  I was also really frustrated with myself for not making more of an effort to get to know my community.  I was perfectly content to stay in my house all day and all night.  In fact, I had come to terms with the possibility of spending the next two years building my literary repertoire and studying for the GREs.  Mind you, these are still major priorities for me.  But as of this week, I have felt new "wind beneath my wings."

It is interesting that my feelings are starting to change, because I've just received the September/October edition of the Coconut Wireless, the volunteer newsletter for our country.  In it, the editors list the issues we may be facing at our current stage in development.  The group I am a part of should be concerned with assignment, separation/ solitude and uncertainty of role. (check check and double check).  Our behavior or reaction might be fright, frustration with self, loneliness, weight or health changes, homesickness and uselessness.  (not so much, 2xcheck, 4xcheck, 6xcheck, check and check.)  We were warned when coming here that we will pass these two years on an emotional rollercoaster and what's worse- every one of our emotions are totally predictable.  Just imagine-- not only are you a mental wreck, but you aren't the least bit original in your pains!

I spent a good chunk of time out of my community last week.  Enough time that I really started to feel guilty about neglecting my work.  I have been really happy to spend time with my friends, but I have also come to realize that, while we make a great group of people, my experience here is not about meeting a bunch of Americans.  I am here to really familiarize myself with my community, the Fijian people and their way of life.

I'm excited to say that I've really started to make connections with people, I have a couple of good friends in my village and in my town and I am starting to be really really really excited about the work I will be doing.  More on that later! :)

The timeframe

After the completion of swearing in, we are sent off to our sites where we are expected to stay for 3 months.   I get the feeling this is a challenging prospect for many of us.  For myself,  I had developed a close support network and not seeing them for several months is really quite difficult.  In addition, immersion into the village life is a big challenge.  On occasion, a brief exit is quite necessary for mental well-being.  As such, I've made fairly regular "restocking" excursions, as well as informative "meetings" with long-standing volunteers. 


These three months, where we do not leave our sites, are intended as an opportunity to get to know our communities, assess their needs, relearn the language as might be necessary and settle in on the whole. I've spent a lot of time in my garden, a lot of time reading and a little time chatting with members of my community.  I feel really bad about this, as I know it isn't a practical way to "get things done," as my old corps motto used to be (oh, NCCC).

Next week, I will be presenting at the Bohi va Rara, or village meeting, about my project ideas.  There are a few things I have on my plate at the village level, and then a handful of projects I would like to undertake at the city level, with the various ministries located a stones throw away and just across the river. 

In the village,  I'd like to set up an isoqosoqo ni marama, or women's group that will meet weekly and undertake a number of income generating activities, in addition to a village clean-up.  I would also hope that this women's group would be an opportunity for these ladies to discuss issues relevant to just them- women's health, menopause, domestic abuse, etc.  There is currently a women's church group, but it is led by a man and they spend most of their time reading from the bible and practicing their singing.

I've been asked to build a bore hole.  From what I can gather, a bore hole is a well.  There are some issues with this project (which I can't publish on the internet, so feel free to ask me about these concerns next time you talk to me), which are why the project had not made much progress when the previous volunteer left the site.  My next big concern is that I have been asked to step out and find the funding and make the bore hole happen, which is not conducive to my program's philosophy of development.  The people I work with here should be capable of repeating any of our accomplishments after I leave.  So I have asked my Turaga ni koro (lit. lord of the village, essentially the village mayor) to put together a water committee with whom I will work and guide through the process of applying for funding.

My House

My house is a two room ranch with a lovely view of the river.   The master bathroom is a cold-water shower over a real flush toilet! Between the shower and the sink leaks, I catch a delightful bucket of water each night which I can use to wash laundry in the morning.  Unfortunately, there was a slight error in engineering of the bathroom and the drain does not lie at the lowest point in the room, so water must be redirected after every shower.   The master bedroom is conveniently located in the kitchen!  I am quite fortunate as I have two, count ‘em, TWO sinks in my house!  I cook on a single burner gas stove and I use a full set of dishware!  The front room has a giant desk that remains unused, and two comfy wooden armchairs which I employ during my reading hours.  There is a large overhang “porch” out front and a small overhang porch out back.   The house  sits on the corner of the main road going inland and the main road into the village, so I am privy to all the village gossip, as people tend to stand chat outside my house late into the night.  Sweet!

My Village

I live in the second largest village in the state of Nadroga.  We are a 2 minute walk (or a 5 minute amble) into the town, which is just across the river.  The old sugar railway used to run behind our village, out the side and across the river by way of its very own bridge, but the rail has been out of commision since 3 years ago, when the bridge collapsed.  Half of the bridge remains, twisted and falling into the river.  When in town, a great place to sit and eat an ice cream with friends is at the “end,” or middle rather, of the old bridge that points straight toward our village.  There are 450+ residents of my village.  Many of the young kids attend school  just on the other side of the (stable) bridge.  The walk to the school passes through the old town, which is a number of store fronts that have been closed for years and years and are now the home to several families.  One such store front has been converted to an Assembly of God church!  The school-age youth in my village, who are generally Methodist, like to stand out in front of the church on Sunday evenings to appreciate the music, singing and dancing, since these are tabu in their religion.

My Belly

 I’m getting fat.  Fatter.  I read that in this program, often guys will lose 15 lbs and girls will gain 15 lbs.  Someone has said that the reasoning is that men process complex carbohydrates differently than women do, and the Fijian diet is VERY heavy in starches.  I think this may be possible.  I think, additionally, men are able to be more independent here-they can run alone, they can wander in the woods alone, they can do all kinds of things that women are discouraged from doing so they are able to be much more active.  I am trying to work in my garden, exercise in my house, and train a little outside with some of the women from the village, but I find more often than not, I’m just staying lazy.

My Garden

My program encourages us to maintain a backyard garden and I am absolutely thrilled.  The idea is that we keep a garden, thereby demonstrating to the village how easy and successful a home garden can be, and encouraging them to eat locally, independently and with the ability even to sell the excess produce and not just save money, but actually earn money!  Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), many people in my village already keep their own gardens and, while they often offer help to me, many times they scoff at my feeble attempts to till the soil or build a proper fence.

At any rate, directly behind my house is a flat piece of land that seemed perfect for my garden. Actually, there are a few faults- my clothes line runs directly overhead and the land is on the South side of the house, so it catches shade most of the day- but considering the amount of sun we get, a little shade ain’t half bad.  First I began by marking off where I would like my plots to be.  I then turned the soil.  I made rows between the plots and added the extra soil to the plots to make hills, thereby creating a draining system.  Chickens run loose around the village so as soon as I turned the soil, they started hanging around my yard to get the grass seeds.  (Also, there was an issue with dogs doing their duty on top of the piles of soil- I don’t know WHAT their deal is with that, so weird!)  Because of this,  I am currently in the process of building a fence around my plots.  Originally, I dug holes and sunk posts, connecting each post with a couple of cross hatching sticks, but I came to realize this was a poor excuse for a chicken fence as they had no problem walking through the gaps.  So now I am splitting posts and sinking them in, 5 inches apart and with one layer tilted in one direction and another the other.  Hopefully this will work.

Because I have clearly formed plots with banana leaves lying across them to keep the soil from drying in the hot sun, and I’m clearly working in the garden several hours a day, people ask me what I’ve planted.  I keep having to tell them that all I’ve planted so far is a fence.